Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Short Story

Author Notes
When I was making this story I wanted to let people enjoy a story that was interesting but I also wanted to make it realistic too. When I was making this story the easy part was the introduction since I already knew where I wanted the setting and how the characters were going to be. The hard part when I was making this story was having Eric (The main character) and his dad meet and how they would interact with each other. I also had trouble bringing the story to a conclusion. I want anybody who reads this to tell me what I did wrong and what I did right and how can I make this story any better.
The Search

It was a clear Friday morning in Springfield when Eric woke up and got out of his bed realizing that he is gonna be late for school so he calls his brother and tells him to pick him up. Eric is a Black and Puerto Rican 17 year old that lives with his mom Jessie. Eric’s dad didn't live with them and Eric never seen his dad or knew what he is like since Eric’s Mom kicked his dad out of the house since he was addicted to drugs. Eric got up and got ready to go to school.

“Eric get down here now or you're gonna be late again!” Jessie yelled furiously.
Eric ran downstairs and approached his mom.
“Chill out mom, Keith is gonna drive me to school.”
“DON’T TELL ME TO CHILL OUT!” “You know I don’t like it when people tells me to chill out.”
“OK OK sorry” Eric said while laughing.
Suddenly there was a loud knock on the door and Jessie went to get it. Jessie yelled
“Who is it”
“Open up it’s Keith”
“Don’t be knocking on my door like you the police” Jessie said jokingly
“Hey Eric come on were leaving before you're late again” Keith said
“Alright I'm coming”
“Bye Eric” Jessie said
“Bye” Eric replied
Eric and Keith were in the car on their way to commerce High School when Keith started to talk to Eric.
“So how do you like commerce”
“It’s alright” Eric replied
“Any fight’s? Murder’s, bullying, or haters?” Keith said jokingly
“Well there was a couple of fights yesterday. Some boy got jumped by his gang members for snitching on one of them so he won’t have to go to jail. The boy was sent to the hospital and he’s in a coma.”
“Nice.” Keith said while laughing. “Well if anybody messes with you just let me know and I'll just call the family for some back up.”
“Nah it’s alright nobody is messing with me and if somebody does then I'll just get them with my boys.”
“You need to stop hanging around with those boys, they're gonna get you in trouble with the feds.”
“I’m good I know when to be careful.”
“Yeah I know but just be careful.”
Keith parked the car to let Eric out and drove away.
It was boring at school again today, it was the same thing every day. Some kids were smoking weed in the bathrooms, another fight was happening in the hallways and kids were ignoring the teachers and getting kicked out again. I spotted my friends and walked towards them. We were a gang called the Ave’s. In the gang was Nick, Jordan, Ali, Darion and some other kids I don’t talk to. Nick was Brazilian and 18 years old, he was a senior. Jordan was Black and 19 years old and was a senior too. Ali was 17 and he was a junior. Darion was also 17 and a junior.
“Wass up Eric how you been, we were looking for you so we could smoke.” Jordan said.
“I got a ride from my bro.” Eric replied.
“I don’t know why you're trying to get to school on time, the school isn't gonna say nothing.” Darion said.
“I know but my mom is and she thinks I'm gonna fail or something if I keep on getting here late.”
“Hey did you ever find your dad yet.” Ali asked.
“Nah, but I heard he lives somewhere in Hartford.”
“Who did you hear that from.” Jordan asked
“My cousin Jake.”
“Alright so lets go to Hartford tonight and search for him.”  Jordan said
“I’ll try to sneak out but if my mom finds out then I'm dead, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me searching for my dad.”

School ended and Eric went home so he can get ready to go to Hartford and search for his dad. Eric was excited that he might meet his dad because ever since he was little he wanted to see his dad. He knew that his mom would be furious if she found out he was searching for his dad but Eric didn't care anymore because he needed to see how his dad is like and if he’s making the right choice’s. Eric went in the house talked to his mom for a while and then he went to his room to start packing for his little trip. Jordan called Eric and told him they were downstairs and ready to go. Eric jumped on a near by tree next to his window and climbed down. Eric ran in the car and as soon as he got in the car he spotted Keith parking in front of the house. Eric told his friends to go and they drove off but Keith seen them already and got in his car to chase them down. They drove all the way to Hartford and eventually lost him but now they were lost too. Eric took out a picture of his dad that he kept inside of his pocket in case he ever saw him and showed it to his friends. He told them that his dad looks like this and if they see him they need to call him immediately and after he told him that they went off to find him. Eric wasn't familiar with Hartford so he got lost quickly. Eric knew to watch out for the rival gang the gators since there main hangout was in Hartford. Eric was walking all around Hartford but still didn't find his dad so Eric was starting to feel like he was never gonna find him and was starting to feel like giving up but soon he got a call and quickly picked it up.
“Hello?” Eric said
“Hey Eric this is Jordan, I think we found him.”
“Really!” “Where is he.”
“He’s around Brooks St near the McDonald's but I don’t think it’s safe to talk to him now because he’s hanging out with a bunch of gators.”
“I don’t care, if it’s my dad then he’ll just tell them to back off.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah...he has to I'm his son.”
Eric soon hanged up the phone and looked up and noticed that he was standing at the McDonald's
and started to look around and soon found Brooks St. He seen a guy that looked just like the guy in the picture and since he was so excited he ran towards him without thinking. A guy tall diesel guy with a gator seen Eric and punched him as soon as he got close.
“You trying to attack our leader, punk.” The diesel guy said
“No, you don’t understand I think that guy is my dad.”
“Impossible if he did then he’ll be betraying our code.”
“Yeah and if he did that we would have to kill him and his family.” Some random gator boy said.
Eric soon realized the reason his dad left and why he never came to see him and Eric looked at his and knew that his did somehow knew who he was. The gators pinned Eric down and searched his pockets and found the picture of Eric’s dad. The gators were confused why he had the picture of James (Eric’s dad). The gators were now cautious of James and told him to prove he’s not his dad by killing Eric. They handed James a gun and told him to shoot him so they can leave already. James stared at Eric for a long time and said “How can I care for something I never wanted” and got ready to shoot Eric. As James was gonna shoot Eric a car came speeding down the street and slammed right into James. The gators began to shoot the car but four guys that looked familiar got out the car and shot the gators and killed them. James was still somehow alive and began to crawl towards the gun to shoot Eric but a guy came out of the car and shot James until the guy knew he was dead. Eric looked at the mysterious figures and noticed it was Keith and Eric’s friends. Keith helped Eric up since he was still confused and shocked from what just happened. Keith and the rest put Eric and the car and headed back to Springfield. The gang wasn't in the car with Eric since they drove in their own car. Keith looked at Eric and began to talk.
“We almost lost you today.” Keith said jokingly.
Eric still didn't say anything.
“I guess I was wrong about your friends, they aren't so bad.” “They told me where you were.”
Eric was still silent.
“If they didn't tell me where you were then you could of died.”
Eric suddenly got up.
“My dad wasn't gonna kill me, I know he wasn't. He cared about us that’s why he left.” Eric yelled.
“He left because he knew if he didn't then he would of got murdered by his own gang.” Keith yelled back
Eric sat silently and started to think.
“I’m sorry that I had to kill him but he was gonna kill you. I might go to jail now.”
Eric didn't even think that Keith could got to jail
“I’m sorry.” Eric said quietly.
“Don’t get all sentimental on me right now Eric I won’t tell anybody that you or your friends were part of this.” Keith said.
Keith stopped at a burger king 
and got some whoppers for him and Eric.
“Hey eat up I'm sure you're starving.” Keith said laughing.
Eric and Keith ate and went to Jessie’s house. Keith talked to Jessie and explained to her what happened and she understood. Eric went upstairs to his room and waited for his mom to come up stairs and start yelling at him. Keith left and Jessie went into Eric’s room. Eric and his mom talked for awhile and she didn't yell or punish him she just asked if he was alright. Eric apologized to his mom and asked if Keith is was alright but she told him she didn't know.
“I promise I won’t hide anything from you anymore.” Jessie said
“So what do I do now” Eric asked
“Just do what you always do.” Jessie replied
Eric was confused.
“But what about Keith?”
“I’m pretty sure Keith told you he won’t say anything about you to the cops if they ask so just forget this day ever happened.”
Jessie left the room and Eric sat on his bed. Eric started to think about everything that happened today and slowly started to accept everything.
The End


  1. 1. the conflict was him needing to find his father, it was external, although hit didn't really show him solving the conflict
    2.the main character is eric and he changes with his attitude about his father.
    3. my favorite part was when he was talking with his friends
    4.the best quality would be realistic dialogue.
    5. the storys theme would be dont let anybody stop you from finding what you need.
    6. he should add onto it and tell about him finding his dad

  2. 1. The conflict was Eric finding his dad. it was external and in the end he finds his father.
    2. He realizes his dad left for a reason
    3. My favorite part was the beginning because it seemed like a real life situation.
    4.The story's best quality was making it seem like a real life situation with its dialog and descriptions.
    5. There's reason behind every decision.
    6. Definitely some grammar and spelling errors.