Tuesday, September 10, 2013

Summer Reading Essay

Jorell Wilson
09/05/13
Alfred Brooks
The Contender/
Ender’s Game


Author Notes 
1.What came easy to me when writing my story is the setting. I already knew what the setting was gonna be, it was gonna be based off the book I read. I was trying to show how a character from another story can easily fit in with another character from another story 
2. I think the boxing really worked well in this story because this is something Ender really needs since in the book he really didn't know how to fight with gravity. It was easy to write the beginning when it was just about Alfred because it was one character I knew how to use while Ender was from a different type of genre from the contender.
3. A problem I had while writing the story was deciding what would Ender do in the story and that was probably the only thing that was hard for me.
4. A improvement to the story I would like to do to the story is the ending and the part where I get to Ender's space ship. Feedback that would be helpful would be how did I do and what can I do to improve it.
  
Right…..left……...right…..left….Boxing use to be part of Alfred’s life until one day he knew it was time for him to quit.After Alfred quit boxing he went back to school to make his life better and so far he was doing good he passed high school and is now in college and got his Bachelor’s degree and is thinking about going for his Master’s even though he doesn't need to.One day he got a message but he didn't know who it was from it just said meet me at the park near our cave.First Alfred thought it was his friend James but it couldn't be because he was in college trying to get his associate’s degree but Alfred went anyway because he had a good feeling it was James.


When Alfred got there he went straight towards the cave to see if it was James but he couldn't see anything so he went inside it.


“James” screamed Alfred
There was no answer
“James it’s me Alfred” said Alfred
Suddenly he felt a small but rough hand trying to get his attention
“James?” said Alfred while turning around to get out of the cave
“James?” said the mysterious man “I’m Edward Wiggins and I've been looking for you Alfred”
Alfred finally got out of the cave and turned around only to see a small boy that looked like he was 11 years old
Ender Wiggins
“What’s a little boy like you doing here looking for me”
“I may be smaller than you and younger but i am not like the other boys”
“I don't care who you are or what you are I wanna know what do you want”
Alfred didn't feel so good yelling at a little kid but the way he was talking and standing and how he looked at Alfred kept on making him feel like the boy wasn't a kid
“I want you to teach me how to box I need to learn how to fight with gravity”
Alfred was confused..what did he mean when he said with gravity
“Look kid I can’t teach you how to box your way to young to even be fighting”
Ender looked disappointed
“I have your friend James and if you want to see him then you better teach me”
“What?” said Alfred but before he could say anything else he was knocked out
Alfred woke up and looked around to see where he was only to be shocked to see it looked like a spaceship.
“Great” thought Alfred I,ve been abducted by alien kids
Ender walked in the room with a tall man
Alfred looked only to see it was JAMES, but he wasn't moving or doing anything only floating with his eyes closed..this made Alfred angry thinking his friend was dead
“WHAT DID YOU DO TO JAMES” Alfred screamed
“Relax” said Ender  “James is only frozen, it’s like he’s in a coma”
Alfred calmed down but was still cautious not trusting them
“What do you want from me” Alfred said
“You know what I want” said Ender
Alfred remembered their conversation
“So you weren't kidding when you said you weren't like the other kids, if I teach you how to box will you let me and my friend go”
“Yes” said Ender
Ender let Alfred get up
“OK let’s get started but you should know boxing is no easy thing to master your going to have to get fit, get up early everyday and follow everything I say you might wanna give up but you gotta keep going” Alfred said trying to sound like his old boxing teacher Mr. Donatelli”.


Ender looked at Alfred and said “I never give up the other kids always will remember my name”.


Right…..left……...right…..left….Right…..left……...right…..left….Right…..left……...right…..left….
That’s all Ender did just quick jabs and never ever complained about it.Alfred showed Ender all of the stuff Mr. Donatelli showed him and Ender would teach him some of the stuff he learns at command school, stuff like mathematics and science and history even though Alfred didn't even know what he was talking about most of the time.


After Ender had trained for many days he started to get the hang of it and was getting quicker and stronger each day faster than Alfred which shocked Alfred.Alfred wasn't sure if Ender was like him and had the will to fight and injure somebody in battle until he got out of the training room to go to the bathroom only to see Ender fighting six kids older and taller than him. Ender was moving faster than any Professional boxers Alfred have ever seen and his Jabs were quick and strong. Ender easily defeated them and that’s when Alfred learned Ender did have the killer instinct but did not want to use it.


“You could go now Alfred you and your friend could leave” Ender said while not trying to cry from the pain he caused those six kids
“Ender you have the killer instinct but you don’t want to use it…..I think it’s better for you to not practice boxing anymore”
“But I need to so they can’t hurt me anymore so I could be safe”
“After they just seen what you just did I doubt they’ll ever touch you again but you need to try to not use your boxing skills unless you really need to or you’ll just feel bad for what you did”
“OK I understand thank you Alfred you have taught me so much”
“Hey you taught me a lot too….because of everything you taught me getting my master’s degree will be a piece of cake”
“I’m glad I helped”said Ender while sending Alfred and James back to Earth.

 

2 comments:

  1. I thought that your story was really good and well put together. I also like how you incorperated the part "Ender easily defeated them and that’s when Alfred learned Ender did have the killer instinct but did not want to use it." because that is a ,ain point in Ender's game. One thing that I found to be common during the story were run-on sentences, so that is one thing you may want to look at. The conversation was great, becasue it seemed legit. Lastly, i couldn't really tell where the setting was. all in all though, it was a really good story, good job!

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  2. Hi Jorell! You did something really different and original with your story, which is great. Rather than making Ender and Alfred the same age, you transformed Alfred into Ender’s teacher, which worked really well in your story. I felt like I got to know something about both of your characters, even though Alfred is so much older. I think that your ending is very good: both characters learned something and, as a reader, I felt content that all was well. If you wanted to expand on your story, you can certainly add more about Ender’s ship: what does it look like, how do they get there, etc. I can’t wait to see where your writing takes you!

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